The Hoser’s Guide to the 106th Grey Cup: Part 3 – A Hoser’s Itinerary

It’s nicknamed the Grand National Drunk for a reason – Grey Cup is perhaps the only weekend when your recklessly irresponsible drinking is socially acceptable.  How do you make the most of these precious few days?

By following this very simple plan! I can’t make it any easier for you to cover as many parties as possible, short of driving you to each one myself which, as you should know by now, I will not be able to do!

Required reading before you go further:

Thursday

Anytime – Let your boss know your truly honest opinion of his or her managerial skills. Start drinking immediately, then pack a bag and catch a flight/train/bus/car/rocket to Edmonton.

Don’t forget the essentials!

Evening – Thursday’s always a little thin but especially so this year. You’re basically choosing between Spirit of Edmonton or Spirit of Edmonton. I’d go with Spirit of Edmonton.

Thursday’s not the big night but you probably over did on the plane it anyway because no one was watching you. If, like me, you only have one speed, you’re drunk!

Go to bed! Remember, this is a marathon, not a sprint.

Friday

10:30am – There’s a very good chance you are hungover.

If not, then you’re doing it wrong. Remember, you’re at Grey Cup!

There’s no time to feel sorry for yourself today so get out of bed. 

The Fan State of the League address (Shaw Centre) starts at 10:30. If you’ve never been it’s worthwhile checking out. Sometimes they hand out freebies. 

“Look, we’re having lots of meetings about hits to the head so will you please shut up about it?”

12:00pm – Touchdown Manitoba is in the exact same building. This is the only place you should be spending Friday afternoon. Your ticket here also comes with lunch.

5:00pm – TD MB should have slain your hangover. Soon you’ll be looking for dinner (remember to eat) and to check out some of the team parties. This is a good time to visit the parties set up at a pub (eat).

  • RNation – Revel Bistro and Bar
  • Bomber House – Hudson 109 Street
  • Tiger-Cats Pub Crawl – Mercer Tavern

10:00pm  – You oughta have a full head of stream by now! Where should you roll the dice on the rest of the night?

  • Lion’s Den (Lions fans)
  • Riderville (Riders fans)
  • Atlantic Schooners DownEast Kitchen Party
  • Spirit of Edmonton

I usually end up at Schooners on Fridays. Some years are better than others. Any one of these could be absolutely rockin’ or completely desolate, with the exception of Spirit. That’s your fall back when all else fails.

1:00am – Last call at many of the parties! Quick, more tokens!

2:00am – Still in control of your motor functions? Good, go to bed, you’re very drunk!

Saturday

10am – No, you don’t have the bends or a communicable disease from that cod you kissed last night. What you’re experiencing are the debilitating effects of dehydration. You could drink a bottle of water and take two extra strength Advil Liqui-Gels OR you could just drink two extra strength beers!

See! Beer is at least as good as water and often times better.

11:00am – Ha! It worked didn’t it? Vroom, vroom! Want free grub? Of course you do. Get over to the Calgary Grey Cup Committee pancake breakfast! After that you might be able to catch the Grey Cup Parade.

The 105th Street Party in Ottawa.

1pm – This is best time to check out the Street Festival. Last year there were some licensed pop up bars. You should easily be able to slay the afternoon and crush a couple of cans here. Get all kinds of free stuff.

5-8pm – Beer O’Clock! Take your pick, all the team parties should be in full swing or about to kick off. This is the big night. Spend some time at your team’s party and get a good meal in because Grey Cup isn’t done with you, not by a long bomb.

8pm – Prime Grey Cup party time and I highly recommend evaluating the Atlantic Schooners Down East Kitchen Party if you haven’t already.

9:30pm – Experience has taught me that the best place to shut down Saturday night is Spirit of Edmonton. You want to get here relatively early to ensure entry. In all probability there will be a line (like every other year) but it usually moves.

2:00am – Last call and last chance to redeem the five tokens you bought five minutes ago!

Go to bed, you are unquestionably drunk!

Game Day

It’s here! Canadian Christmas!!!

11:45am – Sleep in, you’ve earned it. I bet you feel like like a Roughrider quarterback. What? Too soon? That’s the price the Grey Cup Weekend Warrior pays.

Buck up and make, beg or steal some coffee. Replace top 1/3rd with Baileys or rye (if that’s all you have). It’s not the plunge into alcoholism that kills, it’s the sudden stop.

1:00 – The official pre-game tail gate parties are wayyy overpriced, in my humble opinion. You’re better off anywhere else that serves booze.

3:30pm – Beer and then another beer. It’s called “pre-gaming” for a reason so don’t turn jaundiced on me now, we’re almost there!

4:00pm – Game time! Wooohooo!

No one knows how bad the bathroom or beer lines will be but the last Grey Cup at Commonwealth was the closest I’ve ever come to pissing myself as an adult. Be strategic. Sometimes finding a urinal or toilet at the game is the hardest thing about the weekend. Good luck!

Post-game – There doesn’t appear to be any official post game party this year. 7:30pm will be too early for many to stop partying, including myself. I’m sure the champs will be out somewhere, it’ll just be a question of finding them. Let me know where you wind up on Twitter and we’ll down several more in honour of Lord Grey.

Get some!

You did it! I’m so proud of you!

I can’t wait to see you scurvy dogs this weeked!!! bbbblllLLLLLUUUUEEEE!!!!!

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