The Blue Bastard’s Annual Canadian Football League Prognostication for 2015

I see tears... of red and white!

I see tears of…

The long, long wait is over!  Football is back!

Last year in this space I was prophetic and correctly predicted Calgary sending Hamilton home in tears and that’s EXACTLY how it went down.

What does your not-so-humble and illustrious oracle foresee this campaign?  Let me tell you!

West

The West keeps beating the snot out of the East.

1st Calgary (12-6)

I be no one yells at this guy to show his tits.

I bet no one yells at this guy to show his tits.

Still the team to beat but are much more beatable this year after several high profile departures which, as they say, is good for the league.  BLM is probably the best QB in the country but he’s always been well protected and Cornish is unstoppable only when healthy.  We’ll see how well their O-line takes care of them both this year.

2nd Edmonton (11-7)

I wouldn't let anyone or anything with a face like that near a child.

I wouldn’t let anyone or anything with a face like that near a child.

Last year’s most improved team are legitimate contenders this year.  Mike Reilly is a magician who turns broken plays into first downs with his feet.  You know who else could do that?  Doug Flutie, and he won a ton.  The best games this year will be the three Stamps v Eskimos contests and as the season series goes so does first place in the West!  I expect the Eskies to only take one of the three (but not getting swept again) landing them second place.

3rd Saskatchewan (9-9)

All dressed up and ready to go to the elementary school prom.

All dressed up and ready to go to the elementary school prom.

All their fortunes depend on Darian Durrant and I don’t foresee him playing the entire season.  Clearly neither does Taman who hired my favourite QB in the whole wide world, Kevin Glenn, to lead them to the intercepted land.  Having Kevin Glenn on your roster is the #1 surefire way to NOT win the Grey Cup. The man is cursed.  Also, he throws a ton of INTs in case you didn’t catch it the first time.

4th Winnipeg (9-9)

A Bomber fan's life is one of continuous disappointment.

If you are 25 year old Blue Bomber fan your life has been one of continuous disappointment.  Partially because the Bombers can’t win but mostly because you (probably) live in Winnipeg.

Buckle up Bomber fans ’cause it’s going to be another rough ride over the pot holes in Winnipeg.  While a new O-line is exactly what Drew Willy’s neurologist prescribed, the #1 QB still doesn’t have anyone to throw or hand the ball off to.  What about the defense?  They looked terrible in the pre-season.  Still, I expect Winnipeg will outplay BC, Toronto and Ottawa.  The 3-year playoff drought ends this season when they cross over back to the East from whence they should have never left.

5th BC (7-11)

Yes, being less than the Bombers is something to cry about.

After defeating the Great Evil, Leeloo settled in Vancouver for its temperate climate and pacifist hippie culture. She later became a BC Lion’s fan.

BC is a bit of mess this year with a new american coach (Jeff Tedford) many years removed from the CFL (See Dan Hawkins and Montreal 2013) and a quarterback (Lulay) who may or may not be able to throw a football with his frankenshoulder.  I wouldn’t count them out but they’re not as fearsome as they were when Wally coached.

East

Still mostly push overs.

1st Hamilton (11-7)

hamilton skyline

Fresh air, sun, lots of personal space and a beautiful skyline. What more could a person want?

I’d give Hamilton more wins if it weren’t for their current bout of injury plague.  This team is playing better with time and has a great QB and the league’s best head coach.  They should dominate the East and give the West fits.

2nd Montreal (10-8)

"That's pass interference you anglo bastards!"

“Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries!”

So QB Crompton wasn’t good enough last year to cement his ownership of the starting gig?  He got them into the playoffs…  The Bombers missed the playoffs and gave Drew Willy a huge raise and extension…  I don’t understand either decision.  Montreal always makes the playoffs, other teams could learn a thing or two from them.  However, this season, same as last, I don’t envision them getting through Hamilton.

3rd Toronto (7-11)

The Boatmen start the year on the road for the their first five games and do it without Ricky Ray.  I fully expect them to lose all of them.  The schedule alone probably keeps them out of the playoffs again this year.  If they go .500 the rest of way they get 6.5 wins.  I rounded up but that may be a stretch…

4th Ottawa (5-13)

Henry Burris warming up at the start of practice.

The ageless Henry Burris warming up before the start of practice.

Smilin’ Hank might actually have receivers to throw to this year and that finally makes them a football team.  Is that enough to make them better than the 4th place team in the West (see Winnipeg above) or Toronto?  No, maybe next year.

Playoffs

East Semi

Montreal edges Winnipeg because the cross-over team never wins the semi.

West Semi

Edmonton barely beats Saskatchewan in the rain.

East Final

Hamilton easily dispatches Montreal on a cool sunny day.

West Final

Calgary runs all over Edmonton in the snow.

103rd Grey Cup2015_Grey_Cup

The safe and odds favourite pick is to take Calgary but I’m not playing it safe this year.  Kent Austin is a bonefide CFL genius and it’s difficult to repeat even though it’s only a nine team league.  I’m taking Hamilton to serve up some very, very cold revenge to the Stamps in Winnipeg on November 29th.

There you have it you scurvy dogs!  Remember, you read it here first!

Week 1 picks are also up, check them out here!

bbbbblllllllUUUUUUUUEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!

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