The Blue Bastard’s Annual Canadian Football League Prognostication for 2017

Who picked Ottawa to win it last year?

You’re lying.

The best part about the CFL is that 23 weeks from now these fortunes will look like they came from the inside of a cookie.

East

Hamilton (10-8)

Hahahaha.

Every year, almost everyone says this about the Cats, then Collaros gets hurt.

Ottawa (8-10)

I still don’t get it, can someone explain please?

Fresh out of soul’s to sell after last year’s Grey Cup.  Their best chance for a repeat ticket to the big game involves Zach getting hurt (see above).

Toronto (6-12)

What are they complaining about? The Argos still haven’t shown up.

Marc Trestman and Jim Popp are billed as Toronto’s salvation.  Too bad they arrived after free agency.  This is a rebuilding year any way you cut it.  It’ll be interesting to see if Ricky Ray can stay healthy for at least six games.

Montreal (5-13)

“We don’t want your stuuuupid Kevin Glenn or your stuuuupid Grey Cup, we already have great bagel.”

An absolute train wreck of a team.  Darian Durant at QB?  Five wins might be overly optimistic.  Hey, I hear Drew Willy’s available.

West

Calgary (14-4)

Delicious.

They can’t possibly be as dominant again this season–that’s the only thing I have against them.  Oh, also Stamps fans beat their wives, according to a study over here.

BC (13-5)

Three Toronto cops are on trial for sexual assault over that very thing right now.

Wally just doesn’t lose that often and he has a prodigy at QB.  They may give Calgary a run for the division.

Edmonton (10-8)

Cultural appropriation and probably racism!
Hasn’t twitter seen this!?!

I expect another 5000+ yard season for Mike Reilly, I also expect a weak defense.

Winnipeg (10-8)

Similarly, over in Winnipeg, two exhibition games showed us there’s been zero improvement in the Bomber defense.  Offense alone isn’t enough to snap the drought as it enters its 27th year.

Saskatchewan (5-13)

He’s not reading, just looking at the pictures.

Too bad about Vince Young.

Fact: No team has even won a Grey Cup with Kevin Glenn, the homeless drifter of the CFL.

Fact: This is Kevin’s third marriage to Saskatchewan.  I guess that’s better than marrying your cousin.

Playoffs

East Semi

Bombers over the RedBlacks in a nail biter.

West Semi

Edmonton gets pasted by BC.

East Final

Hamilton easily handles Winnipeg.

West Final

Calgary beats BC by a late FG.

Grey Cup

Calgary beats Hamilton by a TD.

 

Can’t wait for kickoff!

bbbbllllllLLLUUUUUUEEEEE!!!!!!

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