Calling all degenerate Grey Cup attendees! Your guide to medically unsafe binge drinking and general antisocial behaviour has arrived!
What do? I’ll tell you, read on!
One Wrist Band to Rule Them All
Thank you Vancouver! You’ve finally done it! One wrist band permits entry to all team parties, including Spirit of Edmonton. It only took 111 tries to figure this out.
This year things are so much easier. No need to leave one party, only to find out there’s a line and $20 cover at the next. At 111, you just go one door over. $99 for the whole show!
A Hoser’s 111th Itinerary
Thursday
You’ve just arrived. Grab your Baileys and liquor/beer, then stuff it into the hotel room fridge. Failing that, fill the sink, tub or garbage can with ice. You’re at Grey Cup, no time to lose!
CFL Awards (if you can find a ticket)
You probably don’t have one, so you’re likely headed to the Convention Centre where you’ll find the after party. Buy your wrist band now and you’re good for the whole weekend!
Stay here. Get drunk. Have fun.
Go to bed.
Friday
You should be hungover or you didn’t do it right. Open the Baileys and add it to a hotel room Keurig coffee. Drink your medicine.
CFL State of the League (10am)
The lame duck Commissioner will be lamenting the failure of the older owners to believe his vision. I used to attend but it’s not worth fighting the hangover for. The boring windbags just won’t shut up. The CFL sometimes does give out copies of the official Grey Cup coin though which is neat (and the only reason to go).
Calgary Grey Cup Breakfast (11am-1pm)
Free food! Plus you probably haven’t eaten since before that first can was cracked last night.
Tour Vancouver (before 7pm)
Inexcusably, there will be no traditional Touchdown Manitoba party (social) this year. How did that get screwed up?! The team parties will likely be thin in the afternoon.
Vancouver is a fantastic city and there’s lots to see. This is the best time to do it. The town boasts many great eateries. Pick one for lunch and another for dinner. Have a few sippie poos.
Team Party HQ (7pm)
It’s all here, you don’t need to leave until they kick you out!
From here on in you’ve got one job – drink as many liquor drinks as you can!
You’re wrecked. Go to bed.
Saturday
Ouch. Today you’ll need Bailey’s AND and Advil.
Spirit of Edmonton Breakfast (8am – 12pm)
I’ve never been able to get up early enough for this. I’m told it’s a complete boozer. Not cheap, assuming you can find a ticket. It always sells out early.
Calgary Grey Cup Breakfast (11am-1pm)
You probably missed this yesterday and the Spirit Breakfast today. Make a hotel room coffee and liberally sprinkle with Baileys. Go eat. You have a long day of reckless drinking ahead.
Afternoon
Street Festival – Best time of the weekend to check this out, however it won’t take too long. An hour would be a long time.
Christmas Market – I dunno. Neither does Jim.
Ultimate CFL Experience – Also known as “the indoor/family stuff”. Worth another 60 minutes. Get your mug on TV behind the CFL panel!
Dinner
Shocking as it may be, I love beer and can vouch for Steamworks Brewpub. Conveniently located close to the Convention Centre and likely to be rammed as a result.
Team Party HQ (anytime)
Time for some big drinks! This place will be packed and you’ll be here until they kick you out or you start puking again. You should be very drunk by the time that happens!
Woah. Get to bed. You’re very drunk!
GAME DAY
The day of days!
Canadian Christmas is on the West Coast so you can go to bed early if you insist.
Fan March (1:30pm)
Way-hey! It’s back!!! No details but in years past they let you carry the cup. I do recommended!
Block Party (10am – 3pm)
It should be warm enough not to have to bother with the indoor tailgate. So juice up here before the gates open and save some scratch.
Game Time (3pm)
Go Bombers!
Parting Notes
Smart Grey Cup planning used to be required to optimize team party coverage. At the previous Vancouver edition, they were spread out, each having their own entry fee. You can’t really screw up this year. I typically avoid the concerts since I never like the bands. This goes for the paid tail gate parties as well which just isn’t worth the money in my humble opinion.
Pay attention to fingers this weekend. There are many CFL veterans in attendance and this is the weekend when everyone wears their rings. Don’t be afraid to ask!
Transportation
Have fun you bastards!!!
blllllllLLLLLUUUUUUEEEEEEE!!!!!!
