Argonauts 35 – Bombers 19: Crack Smoking Toronto Mayor Laughs Blue Bumblers off Own Field

“Do you have any hope?”

I am the first to admit that I am a half glass empty kind of bastard.  Tim Burke said earlier this year that we could not judge this team until after the first four weeks.  After Friday’s inept performance I felt it necessary to reach out to my longest known glass half full fan.

A glass half full of Canadian might as well be empty.

A glass half full of Canadian might as well be empty.

I queried his opinion as to the state of the franchise, now that we’re four weeks in, and of the remainder of the season.  His reply:

“Do you have any hope?”

He would continue by quoting The Blue Bastard.

“You were saying it years ago.  ‘It’s an eight team league!’  It’s been what?  23 years?  Why is this OK?  I’m a season ticket holder, why do I pay for this?”

I wasn’t sure what was more shocking, that this perpetually positive fan had switched poles, or that it had taken him 23 years to come to the conclusion that the Bombers have been losing too long.  He’s not alone either, brand new IGF failed to sell out for its second ever (regular season) game.

IGF's new slogan.

IGF’s new slogan.

Do I have hope?  Yes, some, the season is far too young to abandon and we’re only two points out of first place.  The Eastern Division team that puts up eight wins is likely to host the semi-final.  What I really have hope for though is next year, because it’s going to take us another 14 games at least to sort out this quarterback mess.

We Finally Got Our Wish (you were wishing for Goltz weren’t you?)

According to his boss Buck suffered an abdominal injury and was unable to continue the game.  No way that passes the smell test but does it even matter?  Letting him off his leash seemed to work for the first 20 minutes of the game until he threw that bone headed, soul crushing pick.  If that wasn’t the turning point of the game then I dare you to find another.

For argument’s sake let’s assume he isn’t hurt.  Do you think he should be given the start next game?  Burke sure does and until this point most were willing to give him the benefit of doubt, but now, not so much.

Abdominal pains or defeat? You be the judge.

Abdominal pain or the realization it’s the end of a career? You be the judge.

I wouldn’t say Goltz went out there and raised the dead in relief but he certainly looked to be the better of the two.  Granted he was practically playing in garbage time but at least he engineered a (meaningless) touchdown.  In the end it may not matter who played the best as Timmy may well be using Buck’s apparent injury as an excuse for the bench while publicly backing him as number one.  Should Goltz prove himself capable in the start Friday it would give Burke an easy out of the controversy by going with the hot hand.  Perhaps he’s smarter than he’s being given credit for.

You Can’t Win Every Game Defensively

The defence finally broke in week 4.  The great Ricky Ray was 19 of 20 and the lone incompletion was a drop.  Who knows what horror he may have continued to wrath had his knee not quit.

"Just cut it off. I can beat these girl scouts."

“Did you just call me Buck?
Choke yourself.
Goddamn it, with MY hand, numb-nuts!
Don’t pull my fucking hand over there! I said choke yourself; now lean forward and choke yourself!”

Watching from the Sidelines

With Buck watching from the bench was Brett Carter.  The 20-year-old inked a deal only hours earlier and dressed to fill the gaping chasm in the receiver corps.  I understand the kid was only supposed to go in to replace an injury but the game was out of reach and I thought he should have been subbed in on the last possession.  Without a doubt he’ll eventually get his chance but this was a night when nothing had gone right and letting him snag his first catch would have been the only positive outcome of the game.  He’s the only feel good story in an entire season of disappointment.  Am I alone here?

Absolute Vodka Ass of the Week: Buck Pierce

"Hee Haw" -- Translation: "I can throw better than Pierce and I don't even have hands."

“Hee Haw” — Translation: “Ahhhh fuck it.”

10-14 and one INT for 139y.  I know I’m really beating a dead horse (ass?) here but the last time I wanted a new QB this bad Kevin Glenn was making this city miserable.  The similarities at this juncture are striking.  Am I wrong to pick on him this much?  I tried to think of someone else bad enough this week but there wasn’t anyone who fit the frame better…

The Heineken truck 30 seconds after rolling out of the brewery before it was stolen by everybody.

The Heineken truck 30 seconds after rolling out of the brewery before it was stolen by everybody.

Heineken Hero of the Week: Ricky Ray’s Knee

It was getting ugly fast and someone/something had to take action.  Lucky for us Ricky’s knee needed a beer.

Honourable mention: Clarence Denmark.  Good bounce back game after he was headed for the bench.

Odds and Ends

As much as I and everyone else in this great land has ripped Rob Ford you can’t deny the man is a true promoter of the CFL. In a city that couldn’t care any less he is doing everything he can to raise the profile of the Argonauts and the league as a whole. Today he promised to do everything he can to build the Argonauts some new digs. He even got the 100th Grey Cup on the international news (see video below).  My point is that all Canadian mayors should be exactly like Rob Ford.


Bomber fans have started voting with their wallets on this team and its management, they’ve had enough losing. Contrast that to Saskabush where 37,372 paid to watch the Riders crush the Cats.  Management there is taking advantage of the extra Grey Cup seating while the management in Winnipeg is doing everything they can to piss away all the good will bought with the $200M IGF.  It gets cold quickly in Manitoba and people need a reason to go watch live football after September.

Most fans came for the beer snake.

Came for the $12 tall boys, stayed for the beer snake.

The Return of the Donut King

His Royal Highness King Kevin the Knuckle Head returns.  He will be the first quarterback the Bombers have faced this season that hasn’t won a Grey Cup.  Too often in football players neglect to plan for life after football.  It is so refreshing to see one of them looking ahead.  In the not-at-all-bankrupt metropolis of Detroit Kevin has already started training!

"My mission? I will not rest until there is a donut in the hand of every child. Sorry, that was one milk and one sweetener?"

“My mission? I will not rest until there is a donut in the hand of every child!
Sorry, that was one milk and one sweetener?”

Do you know you can buy an autographed picture of Kevin Glenn?  That’s right for the low price of $30 (plus $5 shipping) you too can own a genuine autographed print of one of the best BACKUP quarterbacks ever to play in the CFL.  They’re right here on his website!

I’m sure it’ll taste delicious wrapped around a piece crow with some Frank’s after he walks into River City and takes the W…

Did I nail it or am I an idiot? Lemme know in the comments, no registration needed. My wit awaits your taunt!

Tune in next week for another Blue Bastard rant.  Same BB time, same BB blog.  Or subscribe via e-mail by clicking follow!

Last week’s most excellent ramblings “Bombers Fall Flat on Their Asses”.

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3 thoughts on “Argonauts 35 – Bombers 19: Crack Smoking Toronto Mayor Laughs Blue Bumblers off Own Field

  1. Blue bastard please remember to keep channeling your anger into this site, it must not reach society!

  2. Pingback: Stamps 37 – Bombers 24: Grown Men Cry, Time For Radical Change? | From Parts Unknown

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