Pussy Cats 52 – Blue Bombers 0: “Did you have a good time?”

Was the question posed by The Blue Bastard to his long time girlfriend having arrived home from the 52-0 embarrassment passed off as a football game on June 20th.

“No of course not, it was 52-0. It was a horrible game. I was sober and had to drive home. It sucks watching the Bombers. You get food thrown at you and you get spat on. They always lose. It’s way more fun being at a Jays game, at least we’re part of the crowd — the other 95% is always trying to make the game as miserable as possible and the Bombers provided no relief. It was embarrassing!”

Big Blue couldn’t even put up a point for family. By the end of the first half those in section 106 (behind the bomber bench) identifying themselves as the significant others of Blue Bomber hopefuls had already begun their hasty retreat. Even former all-star Bomber safety Ian Logan (who was unceremoniously cast aside without being given a chance to compete for his job) was no where to be seen in the stands after the half. Probably for fear of recognition leading to a forced sampling of the aerial aliment of Alumni Stadium.

Janice and the Blue Bastard

Blue Bomber place kicker Justin Palardy’s girlfriend Janice, far braver than most, was still in her seat with 11 minutes to go in the 4th quarter. Not even a picture with The Blue Bastard takes the stink out of a rotten goose egg.

On the eve of fresh season Bombers fans, looking for any reason to be optimistic, are already resigned to extending the CFL’s longest Grey Cup dry spell by another year. When did it become acceptable to lose? Why is it OK for the head coach of, what was for generations but is no longer, the proudest team in all the land to say publicly the team could get “blasted” days before taking the field? The fact that Thursday’s game was exhibition matters not. It has been and should still be unacceptable to get thumped that badly. Ever.

Although fans have given Tim Burke a clean slate for 2013 it should not be forgotten that in 11 games (two exhibition, nine regular) he has authored two of the worst defeats this team has ever suffered. September 2, 2012 in the Labour Day Classic vs the Banjo Picking Inbreds; and June 20, 2013 vs the Pussy Cats — both 52 to zero. He has been given all the rope he needs to hang both himself and Joe Mack (who should have been dropped from the gallows long ago), how much time he needs to tie the knots or break free of his restraints remains to be seen.

Lost in the face of a record 25 000+ season ticket holders are the forgotten ex-pats of Winnipeg who roam the hostile lands of the opposition. Their unwavering loyalty is rewarded with apathy and indifference. Those wearing the righteous blue and gold in the den of the enemy make easy targets for those with surplus peanuts or pizza crusts, the inebriated and even small children with only a basic grasp of the English language. Simply put, being a Bomber fan behind enemy lines is no fun. The team owes it to them as much as they do to those in Winnipeg to win.

Future welfare recipient

“Fuck you stupid face!” – Future welfare recipient.

What great lessons were gleamed from this disgrace? The anointed starting QB Buck Pierce has yet to complete a pass this year. “But at least he’s healthy,” you say. Well when all that healthy rust falls off after the first few two-and-outs and interceptions we can look towards coach Burke and thank him for having the vision that The Blue Bastard clearly lacks. Maybe the silver lining here is that Jade Etienne was able to double his career stats in just a single game. His two (three?) catches and one drop certainly qualifies him to start in the CFL ahead of young Brett Carter who has apparently only dropped a single ball (in practice) all camp. Justifying the obviously poor draft choices of the GM has to be a more appealing career move than the more limiting alternative.

In only a few days we’ll see the real Blue Bombers for the first time against the Larks. Since their return North the Larks have tasted victory far more than defeat and consider it a point of pride. Will the Bombers regain their pride? Their honour? Their self respect? Or will they roll over like they have for the much of the past decade happy to put in a second class effort at the bottom of the garbage pile in the East?

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