I brought my pitch fork and torch out of storage and cleaned PauLa’s blood off from last year. It’s almost that time of year again! There are some heads under the axe in the month of August. Who will die in the bye week?! Read on and speculate along with me in the comments!
First a little bit of finger pointing about the game, then some more finger pointing at those running the show, and finally, some (radical?) ideas and the people attached to them who are bound to start coming up in the discussion about the team’s future.
Although it was a week ago already, last game was a disaster and still fresh in the minds of the die hard fans. We all watched it and some of you even paid full price for a ticket. If you did you ought to be writing Garth Buchko demanding a refund, or at the very least calling him at two in the morning to explain how you feel about the state of the franchise and the beer prices at IGF.
The Good
“Great job Jade! Does this mean the rest of us can dog it for the remainder of the year?”
Jade Etienne
We’re finally seeing some return on this pick from years ago. Although he only had 3 catches for 18 yards, two of them were touchdowns.
Chad Simpson
It’s a good thing we’re not giving Chad the ball more or we might start winning games. He actually had a higher average than Cornish. He looks like the only one on the team giving 100%.
A Different Look at QB
Goltz wasn’t great but he was certainly better than Buck. For the most part his passes were crisp and it was the play calling that seemed to hamper the offence. It seems Bomber management is finally in agreement. Buck has been demoted to third sting and might get released if he doesn’t take a pay cut. It also may not be long before we see Max Hall on the field.
The Bad
The best way to tackle John Cornish is with your arms, obviously.
Defence
Stunk worse than a tree hugging hippie tied to a tree.
Special Teams
Almost gave up six on a kick if it weren’t for Palardy and still no answer as to who is gonna be our return man.
Play Calling
Gary was at it again calling his trade marked unimaginative plays. When your running back is averaging 5+ yards a carry you just give him the ball! It’s not brain surgery. Instead they predictably abandoned the run as the deficit grew wider because of bad passing.
The Ugly
Tackling
It was pathetic watching the Bombers miss tackle after tackle. Some players were complaining about Calgary being a bigger team, which is probably true, but if that’s the case then stop arm tackling and go for the legs.
Defensive Line
Did nothing to stop Cornish who had his way with them.
Lack of Sacks
At least we know what the defence is now (not great). Clearly the stats racked up against Montreal and Hamilton were a result of weak opposition. One sack isn’t enough to force your opposition to change strategy.
Absolute Vodka Ass of the Week: Gary Crowton
“Hee Haw” — Translation: “I have a thirst for human blood and it shall be quenched on the bye week.”
We’ll get to Gary in a minute.
Honourable Mention: Alex Suber. Got beat more than a red headed step child.
Heineken Hero of the Week: Jade Etienne
I want.
Honourable mention: Chad Simpson. Why doesn’t he get the ball every play? If he’s not running it then it should probably be thrown to him. RIDE THE HORSE NAMED CHAD TO VICTORY!
Just Putting it Out There…
Now that I’ve handed out the awards for the week it’s time to start thinking about how to fix this mess. It is, undeniably, a complete mess and it’s not going to get any better with the current crew in charge. Who’s gotta go? Joe and Gary, or the Ambiguously Gay Duo as I’m going to refer to them from now on. None of you can argue against me on that, although you are free to try in the comments.
General Manager
Joe Mack
What has this jerk done to improve this team? Pretty much nothing. He’s batting .350 over three+ seasons, which is actually quite astounding. What he has done is lie to us saying he would fix the QB situation. Clearly he has not. Where was he when Ricky Ray was for sale? Barker got him for a song while Mack was scratching his balls somewhere in the Carolina’s all winter. I’ll concede that he’s found a couple of decent Americans to bring up North (Carr, Matthews, Simpson) but his number one draft picks haven’t been great. The exception to that statement is Henoc Muamba who is obviously an all-star calibre Canadian. Tyson Pencer hasn’t played a game and may never with a shoulder that’s been operated on three times plus Kito Poblah has been on the bench more than the field (where he’s been mostly ineffective). He might as well be throwing darts at names with a success rate like that.
He’s also loath to open the team wallet for free agents. Letting Brendon LaBatte go to Saskatchewan the way he did was amateur. What’s the hardest thing to find in the CFL besides a quality QB? An all-star Canadian offensive lineman. Look at the Bombers’ offensive line compared to Saskatchewan’s and it’s easy to see why they are 5-0 and we are 1-4.
“Why are there so many hay farmers guarding my car?”
He should have been kicked out last season and I have to think they only reason he’s still around is because the Bombers already have too many ex-coaches and management types still on the payroll. Firing him then meant adding the (stupid) extension given to him after the Grey Cup loss two seasons ago to the severance pile.
Without a doubt he’s fired at season’s end if not sooner, he’s doomed and nothing can change that now, unless a miracle happens and the Cup comes home in November. That being the case I think he should be tossed out today. There is no point in waiting any longer. No other GM wants to deal with him and players don’t want to negotiate with him. Mack hasn’t been able to fix anything so the Bombers might as well have an accountant run things as would happen in the real world. So who’s available right now who step in?
Eric Tillman
Yeah, I know, he’s an ass grabber, is that worse than hitting your wife/girlfriend?
“I fuckin’ told her, on second and long you throw a five yard pass. Bitch just wouldn’t shut up about how it needs to be thrown for at least first down yardage.”
Eric’s currently consulting for the Tiger-Cats and I’m pretty sure that makes him available. He has loads of CFL experience and can step in tomorrow. A true wheeler and dealer as well. What do you think?
Duane Forde
No one with a smile like that would lie about fixing the quarterback situation would they?
He was interviewed during the AGM search this past off season but the Bombers walked because of his asking price (no surprise there). He doesn’t have any direct experience running the front office but he’s certainly plugged into the league. His knowledge of the CIS is what the Bombers really wanted when they began courting him and one has to believe he was to be groomed to succeed Mack. It’s tragic he wasn’t hired because Garth could fire Joe today and have Duane moved into his office in a matter of hours. Plus, with Forde it’s easy to see the draft picks getting get a lot better.
Offensive Coordinator
Gary Crowton
“AHAHA that’s funny, there are no single points in football, idiot.”
Crowton’s been an unmitigated disaster. He rode into town with no CFL experience and it couldn’t show any more. You know who else had no CFL experience? Dan Hawkins. He was fired yesterday after only five games. Gary’s had 23 to show us he doesn’t know what’s going on. Get him outta here already! He’s gone by season’s end for sure so why delay? Who’s out there?
Paul Lapolice
Getting paid by the Blue Bombers to spout his “wisdom” on TSN. Good one Joe.
I still don’t like him but he is better than Gary and you know what else? He’s already on the payroll. Just putting it out there… What do you think dear reader?
Buck Pierce
This may not be the best of ideas, but he’s done playing, that’s for sure. He’s also already on the payroll. Saves a couple bucks (haha, did you see that? I made a pun.). It could work couldn’t it?
Head Coach
No one is calling for Burke’s head, yet, but by the end of the season, some may feel differently. This situation isn’t all his fault since he inherited a huge mess and I do believe he is a great defensive coach. The new GM is going to want to pick his own men including the HC. I don’t think it’s a stretch to keep Burke around if a change is made. What if he’s demoted to defensive coordinator (already on the payroll!) and then hire:
Dave Dickenson
Good at everything, even fishing. Exactly the kind of person we need coaching.
He’s widely recognized as a head coach in waiting. Publicly he’s content to stay in Calgary (why not, they’re winning?) but you know the man is looking to run his own show. If we are going to make a head coaching change in the offseason this should be our man.
Tom Higgins
A winner. A proven Grey Cup winning Head Coach. Something the Bombers haven’t had since…?
A man with tons of Canadian coaching experience who got fired by Calgary for making the playoffs three years in a row. Could he be pried from his comfy job as Director of Officiating? Who knows but money talks.
Matt Dunnigan
Someone else who’s good at multiple things. Actually, I’m also fine with him starting at QB, just putting that out there too.
A Blue Bomber legend even though his time in Winnipeg was short. Has experience and is a true expert in the Canadian game. Could he be lured off the panel? The chance to compete again may be enough but is he mentally up to it? Even he admits, in his book, that past concussions affected his early coaching career. Has time away cleared the cobwebs?
Dave Ritchie
“It’s old news. They got lucky one out of four times last year. They got lucky in the playoffs. They’re not getting lucky against us ever again. And if we need to play banjos, we’ll play banjos and we’ll be picking them all the way to the end zone. They made a big deal out of that. I think it’s a farce. It’s a joke. They ought to live in West Virginia.”
I have to throw him in here. Oh how I long for those days. Fired with a winning record, he was the last true coach this team had. His words were like poems written by a drunk on LSD which made every post game interview that much more entertaining. Dave was an old schooler who dished out discipline like a residential school teacher. Loved and feared by Doug Brown himself who called him his favourite coach to play for.
Jeff Reinbold
Next time the ball comes your way ask yourself, “What would Jesus do?”
HAHA! Just kidding.
I had a few more ideas to pitch out there but time’s up for this week. There’s lots to think about going into the bye after BC. Stay tuned.
Next Week
Bombers @ Lions on Monday. Let’s all hope it’s somewhat close and that Goltz shows some improvement. Who knows, the Lions were upset by a backup QB last week.
Did I nail it or am I an idiot? Lemme know in the comments, no registration needed. My wit awaits your taunt!
Tune in next week for another Blue Bastard rant. Same BB time, same BB blog. Or subscribe via e-mail by clicking follow!
Last week’s most excellent ramblings “Crack Smoking Toronto Mayor Laughs Blue Bumblers off Own Field”.
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Buck up Buttercup, they can’t get much worse can they?
See what I did there? I made a pun too, ha!
Well they could lose 52-0 to the Inbreds on Labour Day… nice pun though.
I, of course, would not dream of exchanging witticisms with Blue Bastard; however, I do feel inclined to completely support most of your prognostications. I like Tillman, he knows how to win and can roll the dice with the best of them. He’s wasting his time suffocating in the arm-pit that is Hamilton. Give him a couple bucks and the reins and let him do his thing. I couldn’t care less who’s ass he grabs. Forde would be great but we have done the Virgin thing long enough. I long for someone who can fuck and be fucked rather than someone who thinks that the accumulated knowledge of thousands of CFL campaigners is just more minor league drivel. We need someone who has experience in owning the league rather than another saviour who claims to have a vision the rest of us cannot abide or even see.
Your words are like a Heineken on a hot afternoon CFL game in the stands, completely refreshing with a true taste and exceedingly rare in a country of beer can complacency. You are correct sir, change is needed!
Amen brother, on the mark, pass the ammo!
Strength in numbers comrade! Soon we will take back what has been stolen from us by the Board of Directors!
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