Week 11 Review: Bombers Win? BOMBERS WIN!

Shocking!  Absolutely shocking!  The Bombers won the Banjo Bowl beating the team with the best record in the land to do it.  I’m stunned.  I am so used to ripping this team I almost didn’t know what to write about this week.  Then I remembered, the offence stunk worse than a skunk at a dump so all was not lost.

Something funny

“What? Joe Mack said there’s all kinds of talent here.”

I’m not sure what was more extreme, the offensive offence which couldn’t achieve a first down before the second half, or the dominant defence that won the game.  Has there ever been a team more absolutely good and bad at the same time?

One thing the wretched first half performance of the offence did afford was the certainty they could only be better in the second.  Were some half time adjustments finally made or was it just a mathematical inevitability they would perform better?

No More Kicks For You!

When your new kick returner gives you the gift of a 98-yard kick return for a touchdown why don’t you let him keep doing it?  The Bombers were taking the ball at their own 35 instead of making the Riders kick.  Why?  Was it because they didn’t want Ford getting hurt?  Or were they afraid he might score again and make the offence expendable? It made no sense.  Simpson needs to heal up so Ford can do this on a regular basis.

Dammit Ford! I said get two touchdowns on this kick, not one! SIT DOWN!

“Dammit Ford! I said get two touchdowns on this kick, not one! SIT DOWN!”
Nothing is good enough for Tim Burke.

Out With the Old, in With the New!

The retro jerseys are light years better than the “current” stock.  Is there anyone out there who thinks differently?  Why did they ever go away from these?  Probably because the Board of Directors figured it wouldn’t be fair to put a shitty team on the field unless they were wearing shitty uniforms.  Will new management actually listen to fans and stick with these going forward?

Here’s something odd though:


Look at Shannon Boatman’s shoulder and then at Justin Goltz’s.  One is white with gold stripes, the other is gold with white stripes.  What the hell?  Maybe they are reusing old stock from the 1980s?  Gotta cut corners somewhere when your new house goes way over budget.  Oh and look how he’s carrying that bread.  He fumbled that by the way… Jack ass.

Did Reebok screw this up or is this deliberate?  The big gold band with the white stripes looks better, maybe this is their obscure way of doing market research.  It would fit right in with the way the club does business.

The Airlift

It feels irrational to contemplate but the Bombers making a playoff appearance has not been mathematically eliminated.  It all comes down to the next couple of games against a very beatable opponent.  Realistically though, I am looking forward to 2014 and management seems to be as well.

The Bombers have an extended opportunity to evaluate the new talent that comes in before next Canada Day.  The other teams (except Edmonton) can’t because they need to win now.  Every new player that management is serious about will get some game time to prove themselves.  In the CFL preseason you only get two games to make roster decisions, the Bombers effectively have 10 between now and next year’s season opener.  Big Blue moving over to the West is going to make the wins much harder to come by and no stone should be left unturned in preparation.

Kyle Walters is already giving us lots to look at.  He got something more than a bag of footballs for Buck, which is an achievement I thought impossible.  Wally Buono turned his back on Pierce several years ago saying he was damaged goods.  How Walters was able to convince Buono to take him back with his salary plus fork over a Canadian is nothing short of a football miracle.

A football miracle!

He turned a bag of footballs into Akeem Foster!  Kyle still needs another recognized miracle before ‘interim’ is removed from his title however.

Kyle has also made a move to shore up the broken O-line (can something that was never working break?) with the Parenteau trade.  There’s also a couple of new QBs in town.  This is just what The Blue Bastard ordered. Everyone is playing for their jobs next year and a couple gems just might bubble up from the muck to give the Bombers more depth in 2014.

Wade Miller will still needs to conduct his “exhaustive” GM search this winter but Walters is making a very good case for himself thus far.

Absolute Vodka Ass of the Week: Justin Goltz

Nom nom nom.

“Nom nom nom.” — A literary gift and a natural wonder: An ass biting its own ass!  Thank you nature/English!

“But Blue Bastard, he rushed for two TDs!”  

Yup, he did, know why?  Because he can’t throw.  It’s the running back’s job to rush for TDs.  8 of 17 for 129 yards and 1 INT.  Those aren’t first quarter stats, he played for the entire game!  Oh, he also tried his best to give the game away to the Riders when he fumbled with 72 seconds remaining in the 4th.  He gets the start next game?  What?!  I’m going to be sick (again).  Max Hall only got one series into his second start in Hamilton the other week.  Why can’t we see more of him?  You know what the Bombers haven’t done in a couple of weeks?  Fired someone.  Fire Goltz!  There are two fresh QBs waiting for their chance to screw up behind him.  As was stated in a comment last week (Al Cohol), “Goltz seems like a nice guy, he should be able to get a job selling cars quickly…”

Heineken Hero of the Week: The Defence

You're welcome.

Full size image.  You’re welcome.

Oh right, there is a thing called ‘blitzing’.  I had forgotten and it was nice of Casey Creehan to remind me. Obviously the Riders had no idea what was coming but who can blame them?  The Bombers have been a model of consistency all season.  8 sacks?  Incredible.  Durant went 15 of 33 for 129 yards which is even worse than Goltz.  Plus they kept the league’s leading offence out of the end zone!  This had shut out written all over it but the D was able to hand the O field position so good they could kick multiple field goals without even moving the sticks.

The Toilet Bowl

Should be one for the ages.

Presented to the CFL team exhibiting the lowest standards of enthusiasm and effort while losing to the next worst team in the league.

Winnipeg travels to Deadmonton in the battle for the CFL’s basement. Will the Eskies work themselves into a deep deficit against the Bombers’ anaemic attack?  Will the Winnipeg defence play with the same gusto as last week or will they roll over faster than Pvt. Chelsea Manning on her first day in gen pop?  Literally hundreds of thousands will be watching the two most wretched teams in pro football, make sure you’re one of them!

OK, OK, yeah I’m a negative SOB but it was seven straight games of bullshit.  It’s hard to change one’s habits.  The Banjo Bowl win is definitely the highlight of the season thus far.  Every Bomber fan in attendance finally got their money’s worth.  I wasn’t there but sources tell me it was the loudest football game every played in the City of Winnipeg.  The weekend was miserable for the green slime.  Revenge is a dish best served cold.

Tune in next week for another rant, same Blue Bastard time, same Blue Bastard Blog.

Did I nail it or am I an idiot? Lemme know in the comments, no registration needed. My wit awaits your taunt. Don’t miss another rant, subscribe via e-mail by clicking follow!

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4 thoughts on “Week 11 Review: Bombers Win? BOMBERS WIN!

  1. you may have heard this already but the jersey stripe fiasco was a reebok screw up and the bombers were absolutely fuming about it…. like Kavis-Reed-consequences-style fuming!

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