Week 12 Review: Blue Bombers Swirl Down the First Flush of the Toilet Bowl

Here we are again, back to what Bomber fans know best, losing.  The 2013 season transcends awful as the team itself now expects to lose and has developed a culture of failure despite their public remarks to the contrary.  Any progress made in the Banjo Bowl was flushed down the toilet faster than two late Tuesday night Taco Bell tacos on a Wednesday morning.

Or in some cases before you even leave the restaurant.

Serves him right for eating there.

The only thing that can be said of these professional misfits is that they are worthy Canadian Football League doormats.

A Radical Idea

Henoc Muamba’s agent made lots of noise about free agency this week.  Does Henoc want off the loser train or is he just fishing for more money?  He’s a dominate Canadian playing a position typically occupied by an import meaning he will command a lot of scratch this coming off season.  It was suggested in the media that the Bombers should trade him now to realize some value.  The argument against doing so is that he’s probably the best and most valuable player on the team and every effort should be made to retain his services.  This smells a lot like the situation with Brendon LaBatte whom ultimately left Winnipeg as a free agent for Saskatchewan leaving the Bombers with nothing.

Something good.

“Man, this is some bullshit. Eight months of cold and snow, mosquitoes, low pay, high taxes, the NDP, bad roads, incompetent co-workers and a horrible boss.  Fuck this place!”

Losing Muamba certainly makes the defence worse and would screw up the ratio.  If the wallet isn’t opened to keep him the Bombers reputation as the league’s farm team endures.  However, if Muamba is set on departing then the Bombers should make every effort to get something for him while they still can before history repeats itself.  The only man who can figure it out is Kyle Walters and if he wants have ‘interim’ removed from his business cards then the time to prove himself is now.  Sign Henoc to an extension or trade him to start fixing what is broken.

What’s broken?  Besides everything, mainly quarterback and the offensive line.  No QB will be successful behind the current O-line but let’s assume that can be shored up with the draft and FA in the next couple of seasons.

"WEEEEEEE!"

“All your quarterbacks are belong to us.”

Ottawa WILL take one of Calgary’s QBs but Bo Levi Mitchell will almost certainly be protected. Kevin Glenn is not welcome back in Manitoba despite what Gary Lawless thinks leaving only Drew Tate.  It would also be shocking if Ottawa did not select Zack Collaros from Toronto.

If the Bombers are serious about finding a QB it’s time to buy one instead of flying fresh meat in from the south because that clearly isn’t working (O-line issues notwithstanding).  With that in mind there are two questions facing the Bombers before the expansion draft:

1) Which QB do they want the most?  Tate, who has proven himself as a starer but is looking more and more like the second coming of Buck Pierce or maybe Collaros who is still a rookie?

2) What are they prepared to give up to get one of them?  An early draft pick? Or a solid Canadian like Henoc Muamba.  Canadian O-linemen are needed badly and these come from the draft so giving up a pick might not be the best strategy.

Dangling Henoc in front of Calgary or Toronto would be very attractive to either team. Both are making a Grey Cup run and his addition would strengthen one of them immensely.  I doubt Montreal is going to be QB shopping this year leaving Winnipeg as the only buyer.  Toronto/Calgary can sell to Winnipeg or get nothing from Ottawa.

It’s worth keeping an eye on BC the next two weeks as well.  Could a third option present itself in Thomas DeMarco?  I’m guessing not if Wally thought he needed to bring Buck Pierce back.

If they do trade Henoc what’s stopping them from singing him back at the end of the season?

Just throwing that all out there for discussion.  Leave your two cents in the comments.

Training Camp 2014

Two virgin CFL O-linemen will start tonight.  Usually I’d throw up in mouth after writing that but I’ve come to terms with the season.  Some of you are still holding on to those playoff hopes.  Stop.  Just let them go, look forward to next season and spare yourselves the weekly trauma.  Be thankful that the coaches are evaluating new talent.  The O-line is as ineffective as the French Maginot Line in WWII and the strategy used by opponents to out flank them has been the same every week.  If Max Hall should flounder or get hurt as a result we may also see another fresh QB — Jason Boltus.  Why not?  QB carousel is sometimes fun to watch.

Absolute Vodka Ass of the Week: Justin Goltz (AGAIN!)

Justin Goltz's new touchdown celebration. Note the tie.

Justin Goltz’s new touchdown celebration. Note the signature use of his tie.

He was demoted to third string early this week but why?  Get him out of town already.  Window or aisle?  He’s more than proved his worthlessness.  There are other quarterbacks waiting to fail.

Heineken Hero of the Week: Aaron Kelly?

Something

This makes me want to drink green pornography.

I Had to pick someone and he caught a couple of passes.  I almost went with Mike Reilly here because he was at least entertaining.

The Second Flush of the Toilet Bowl

Ah here we are, something to clean the shit off of Investors Group Field which, conveniently, is in the shape of a giant bowl!

Al describes paying to see the Bombers perfectly:

“…it’s like flushing your money down the drain.”

He then demystifies how to cleanse IGF:

“It has chlorine bleach.  The same chemical used to keep swimming pools clean.  It works the same way in your toilet bowl.  And it works! It really does! Up to four months! It’s not your money that goes down the drains, it’s the stains!”

Well shit!  Sign me up!  Let’s get 2000 pounds of this stuff and disinfect the stadium before its reputation as the easiest venue in which to win a football game calcifies.  Four months?  Hell, it’s just gotta last into November.

What a wonderful treat we’re in for tonight!

Tune in next week for another rant, same Blue Bastard time, same Blue Bastard Blog.

Did I nail it or am I an idiot? Lemme know in the comments, no registration needed. My wit awaits your taunt. Don’t miss another rant, subscribe via e-mail by clicking follow!

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One thought on “Week 12 Review: Blue Bombers Swirl Down the First Flush of the Toilet Bowl

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