Week 9 Review: Bombers Throw in Towel on Season

Saturday, August 24th, 2013


Ahhhh.  What a great morning, I don’t have to go to work and kickoff is only three hours away!


Captain Morgan, it is my pleasure to introduce you to Captain Crunch.

Breakfast, booze; two birds, one stone.


Time to suit up!


And one for the road.


Pick up is late but given the driver I should be thankful that it is coming at all.


Parking is so much easier than at IGF (or many other university campuses) but there’s also less than half as many people here for the game.  The downside is that it’s a 15 minute walk across the University of Guelph campus to Alumni Stadium.  The upside is that I have time to finish my roadie.


What a gorgeous day.

You couldn't ask for a nicer day for a football game.

You couldn’t ask for nicer weather to play football.

15:00 Q1 (0-0)

Kickoff! 0-0 and the Bombers are still in it to the surprise of many.

11:44 Q1 (7-0 Hamilton)

Well that didn’t last very long.  It is clear, less than five minutes into the game, that there is no life left in this Bomber team.  The Bombers’ secondary look like the French at the Battle of Dunkirk, they are defeated and want out.

10:00 Q1 (7-0 Hamilton)

Down a row and two seats over is an honest to goodness Ottawa Redblacks fan.  T-shirt with hat even.  He has heard my lamentation over the 2013 Blue Bombers and offers a solution to the situation: that the Bombers be allowed in the expansion draft behind Ottawa.

5:00 Q1 (10-0 Hamilton)

Beer is still too expensive here but at least the staff remember me and have two waiting.  I do not have to wait in line either because there isn’t one.  Still the best staff in the league.  SkyDome’s employees should come here for a lesson.

15:00 Q2 (17-0 Hamilton)

In a way I’m glad the game is already out of reach.  I don’t have to worry about missing anything while I scavenge for something to eat. One of the best ideas the Ti-Cats have had while staging games here at Alumni Stadium is to bring in food trucks to serve as concessions stands.  The food out of these things beats pretty much any stadium I’ve been too. The only downside is there aren’t enough of them.  The Blue Bastardette stood in line for roughly 15 minutes at the Schmuck Truck but it was totally worth the wait for fresh made burgers and fresh cut fries. (http://schmuckngourmet.ca/)

Some of the other fare.

Some of the other fare.

7:30 Q2 (24-0 Hamilton)

This is looking worse than the exhibition game back in June.  Bathroom time at the porta pots.

“Hey Fag!”

I’m really, really surprised I had to wait this long to hear that.

Bakari Grant’s family (#84, WR, Hamilton) requests a picture with The Blue Bastard.  I have no idea what makes this Argos fan think he can participate.

Barkari's kid

Above: Grant’s mother and daughter.  Argos is making the daughter really upset.

Half Time (24-6 Hamilton)

Solidarity brothers and sisters.

There are actually quite a few Big Blue fans out today.  Many of us suffer from “battered fan” syndrome.  Every week our team beats us senseless but we keep coming back for more as soon as the next game rolls around, we’ll never leave no matter how much they hurt us.  We just cover up the bruises with masks, hats, long hair or long sleeved shirts and pretend like nothing’s wrong.  The rest of the league knows, they just don’t say anything.


A sort of Blue Bomber rallying point has developed at half time. Many of these poor battered souls actually made the trip from Winnipeg.

I finally get to meet the Box J Boys.  A pretty decent group of individuals other than the fact they are Tiger-Cats fans.


They seem more interested in the Blue Bastardette than me.  Fair enough.

11:59 Q3 (24-7 Hamilton)

Oh, punt single, just what we needed to get back into this thing.

There was no motivating the Bomber Bench.

Try as I might, there is no motivating the Bomber bench.

The Blue Bastard: “Here we go Bombers! He we go!”
Ti-cat fan: “You’re team fucking sucks!”
Ti-Cat Kid: blows horn
TBB: “Hey comon, we’re only four points out of the playoffs, we’re still in it.”

Crowd: laughs heartily

14:17 Q4 (27-7 Hamilton)

No one can accuse the Winnipeg QBs of being greedy.  Each is getting a turn on the carousel today. Goltz is riding right now.  Winnipeg’s losing by 20 points but these Bomber fans are ecstatic:

I wonder who they're cheering for.

This is Justin Goltz’s family.  Presumable they have made the drive up from Michigan knowing the odds of seeing their man are much higher than the average third string QB.

When I asked them to stand up for the pictures his wife did this:

All we need here is a balcony railing.

“Save my baaaaby!  Oh God save my baby from the 2013 season!” – Justin’s wife, Meri-De pleading for me to save their son, Braxton.

11:24 Q4 (27-14 Hamilton)

There goes Chad Simpson trying when no one else is again.  44 yard touchdown.  I guess the new Offensive Coordinator doesn’t like to run the ball until it’s too late either.  Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

00:00 Q4 (37-14 Hamilton)

Here comes the walk of shame because it truly is shameful when you’re football team just rolls over and dies with no effort put forth.  So long Guelph, I am really starting to hate you although your hospitality has been great today.  Not feeling threatened at all by the lowly Bombers, Ti-Cat fans were very polite, even friendly and in general represented the CFL very well.  Good on them.


Well that’s it.  The Bombers have thrown in the towel on the season.  While they are mathematically still in it the public shaming by the those on opposing CFL teams has begun.

Records are Mean to be Broken

The question is no longer whether or not the Bombers will make the playoffs it’s whether or not this season will be better or worse than 1998.  For those of you who have forgotten or are perhaps too young to remember:

Record: 3-18

Coach: Jeff Reinbold

Why is he always pointing up?

What the hell does he keep pointing at?

Quarterback: TJ Rubley

This was all I could find. All picture of him wearing a Bomber Jersey seem to have been expunged from existence. Rightfully so.

This was all I could find. All pictures of him wearing a Bomber Jersey seem to have been expunged from existence. Rightfully so.

1998 was this franchise’s lowest point.  Does the 2013 edition have two more wins in them?  I honestly can’t tell you that they do.  Do you think so?  This isn’t a team like Edmonton that just keeps letting games slip away at the last minute, this is a team that can’t get out of the first quarter without staring at the ass end of a blowout.

Avid Bomber fans are well aware of this but I feel the need to make the point anyhow:  The Bumblers are one loss away from tying their third longest losing streak in franchise history. They have lost seven games three times.  In 1998 they lost 10 in a row and in 1964 they lost 13.

They play Saskatchewan twice in a row and then Edmonton twice in a row (why is the whole 2013 schedule one big home and home?).  The Bumblers can forget chasing Montreal for third spot in the East, they are chasing themselves for the franchise futility record.  That they will reach third place on that list is looking like a near certainty after the conclusion of the Banjo Bowl.  Are they inept enough to loose both of the following Edmonton games and challenge the 1998 squad?

The Bomber Airlift

The collective weight of players brought in throughout the later half of the 2013 season will rival tonnage of the Berlin Airlift.

The collective weight of players brought in throughout the later half of the 2013 season will rival the total tonnage of the Berlin Airlift.

The airlift continued this week.  Two receivers, a D-lineman and a QB for the carousel.  That’s in addition to last week’s kicker.  The 2014 pre-season is officially under way.

Absolute Vodka Ass of the Week – The Entire Blue Bombers Team

Aye yai yai! -- Translation:

“Aye yai yai!” — Translation: “I see EI and early fall vacations to warmer places than Winnipeg for many on the current roster.”

I had some names pencilled in here but there’s no point in singling out the worst turd in the toilet bowl. Week in and week out for the past six weeks their collective effort has been disgraceful.  The Blue Bombers are the laughing stock of the Canadian Football League and Saskatchewan is loving every minute of it.

I will drop one name, Alex Hall, while he had a great game it was printed earlier this week that he was refusing orders from the bench to come off the field.  This is direct evidence that players are giving up on the coaches, perhaps thinking they are dead men walking.  It also demonstrates that Mr. Hall is playing only for himself — to pad his stats and capture the sack title at season’s end.  How many of his so called teammates are thinking the same?

Heinken Hero of the Week – The Fans

Is that shitbox broken down or is he just jacking the beer?

Is that shitbox broken down or is he just jacking the beer?

For sticking with a team that really looks like it doesn’t give a shit anymore, at least judging by their on field effort.  The 32,000+ fans that packed into IGF two weeks ago and those that showed their faces on the road in Guelph this week deserve so much more from a club they have loved unconditionally for so many years.

Labour Day

The Blue Bombers have not won a Labour Day classic in 8 years. I tip my mask to any Bomber fan walking into this slaughter.  Personally, if I were going I’d make sure to get blackout drunk before heading to Mosaic Stadium so I wouldn’t have to remember it the day after.  Odds are it won’t be worse than the 52-0 slaughter from yesteryear but the outlook heading into it sure is.  Good luck those brave souls making the trip.

Tune in next week for another rant, same Blue Bastard time, same Blue Bastard Blog.

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3 thoughts on “Week 9 Review: Bombers Throw in Towel on Season

  1. Seeing as I left Toronto at 10am and got home in time to take a shower, eat and STILL need to wait on my better half for over 15 minutes I feel that I may not be entirely to blame.

    Just be thankful I didn’t let her drive there or we probably would have missed kickoff.

    • I was really happy for the lift and I should have given you credit above. Thanks again. The delay was only slight.

      • P.S. You forgot to add:

        “4:07pm – Hidden farvas are a little warm but still hidden!”

        “4:15pm – The Blue Bastard crashes a wedding, embarrassment ensues…”

        “4:35pm – The Blue Bastard and The Bastard Boy J-walk in front of a female police office…. exasperation ensues…”

        “5:15pm – Random A&W’s drive thru worker is both confused and gracious to be gifted a business card from the one and only Blue Bastard.”

        “5:30-5:35pm – The Blue Bastard reveals all… against the car window… while said window goes up and down and up and down… and up and down… and up and down…”

        “5:36pm – The steering wheel plays the part of the sausage in a Blue Bastard bun.”

        “5:37pm – Said steering wheel gets disinfected and the chauffeur departs.”

        You can fill in the rest 🙂

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